So.. i just got back from Atlanta, and u already know what im thinkin... yea. ud either be pissed at me about my thoughts lately, or happy for me... but regardless of your reaction, i KNOW id be gettin some advice... damn im really stuck right now B... i needa hear what u have to say about this.. im 20 years old... i been here my whole life - its time to make a change... im tryina figure out what the right thing is to do... i should just say fuck it n just do what i gotta do, take a chance, make a change, GROW UP... be a woman... i think its really about that time. im so torn, and u know why.... i used to think i was right about everything, but now im starting to change that way of thinking - and see things in another light... put myself in someone else's shoes, and try to see other people's view-points... i duno B im tryin... this is sucha hard transition in my life right now... i know i should take the chance, and i think im gonna.... now about this other bullshit going on with a certain person... i cant get over it... i know ur up there shakin ur head and saying ''what the fuck are YOU doing?!?!?!'' but i guess ima just pray and keep this person in mind... i guess thats life, and things are deff changing. but after all is said n done, its time for me to do ME.
Hey JR.... / Jamie Buswell (Family Friend )
Hey Jr.... It's been awhile since i've talked to you. i guess it's just my way of pretending. Pretending like this didn't happen, pretending like i'm not in this pain and pretending like i don't have to see your family in this pain. I miss all of your family so much, but somedays i just can't bring myself to see them. the days i go to mom and dad's i have to prepare myslef for hours cause i know that when i walk into that house my hearts going to break all over again. I feel like there's nothin i can do and there isn't. I wonder : what do i say ? what do i do? do i bring you up? or not? do we talk about all the fun memories? or will i hurt them all over again? I wish i could go back to being 17 and and see my lil bro and talk to you and hug you (i know how much you were annoyed by it )I wish me and lee were there on the porch yellin at you and jimmy to stop doing something or to be good wherever you were going. I wish i could drive you to your friends houses again. I wish i could just go back and say " I Love You" all i can do now is wish and my wishes don't come true anymore. i try so hard to tell myself that it was for a reason or that it was for a purpose but i hear all these things and i see that some people don't see the purpose. They don't see that this , has torn a family apart, broken there heart and forced them to deal with losing a shining star. they shouldn't of had too. None of us should have to go through this. I miss you JR, and i love you so much. your my lil brother. i hope you hear me at night when i pray to you and i hope you are here and visiting us. Guide us and protect us. All my love Jamie Close
hi/ Donna (ma)
hey babe, met with the d.a. on monday. i'm having trouble dealing with this because i don't want derek to go to jail for a long time but i also feel that some jail time is required and then after jail, probation i don't want him to walk away free and i don't feel probation alone is enuff i miss you so very much every day it just get harder and harder eery time i look at a picture of you i have to fight back the tears and it hurts so much to look at dad he is so sad all the time he has aged so much i just hope when this is all over that i'm not made out to be the bad guy all my love now and forever i'll always miss you i would give anything to see you just one more time but i also know that wouldn't be enuff cuz i'd want more this house just isn't the same without you nothing is Close
i miss you now more than ever / Jim
jr i cant even begin to describe the way i feel right now im so fucked up over this kid i mean i look great on the out side you know how i am about the whole feelings thing im good at hidin them but im about to pop right now nigga its like everytime i go to do somthing i know you should be right there but your not and never will be again and its eatin me up dog i mean youve been my other half since march 20 1986 you were the best frind best cousin and best bro i could have ever asked for its a shame that things turned out the way they did man if i could switch spots with you i would do it in a heart beat man i really would i know that shit cant happen but dam im not tryin to come on here and bitch dog but i need you homie i mean thank god for crystal she keeps my sain i swear to god but i gotta go kid i cant do this no more but allways remember i loved you more than lie it self kid and ill never let your name be dirtied or let your flag hit the ground i got you kid and i know it was the other way around would do the same i love and miss you soo much jimmy Close
Hi B :) / Lisa (sister) So, as you know I came to visit with you yesterday. All I could do was cry. There are so many things that remind me of you. I think of you everyday and everyday I am reminded of just how much I miss you. For example, this past weekend was such a pain in the ass with everything that was happening with my car and I knew that if you were here you would have been making fun of me. All I could think of on Saturday was you. I could hear you saying "sucks to be you Lee" and I wanted so badly for you to be able to say that. I want so badly for you to be here with us. I wish that I could go back and just spend more time with you. I wish that I could change what happened. I wish I could bring you back. I know that I can't and that hurts even more. I would give anything to have you here with us. I miss arguing with you. I miss hearing your voice or listening to you laugh. I miss watching you play with Selena, Kameron & Ty Ty. They all love you so very much and each one of them would just light up whever you walked into the room. That light is gone now. They don't get that excited for anyone else and they won't get the chance to get that excited again. Mom & Dad are meeting with the DA today and hopefully that part of this will end soon. I am so very angry that all of this has happened. I am angry at the way some people are handling, or not handling, this entire situation. Noone knows just how much it hurts your family. Noone will ever understand how much pain we go through each and every day. I truly hope that the attitudes of some people change and that they realize that the lesson we were SUPPOSED to learn from all of this is that life is too short and that it is important to spend time with the people you love. It was supposed to bring us all closer. Life is too short, you never know what will happen. Unfortunatly our family learned that lesson the very hard way. I love you B and I miss you so very much. I'll visit again soon.
All of my love, until we meet again. Rest in Peace little brother. xoxoxoxoxox
hey../ Kritta
B- I know it's been a while..sorry. I feel so badly about myself for not visiting this site, no matter why I may have not been able to, but at the same time I don't wanna stay up on it forever and just continue to wallow in the fact that you aren't here - and this website is really the only "effective" way I can "talk" to you.. Anyways I wish you were here..wish I could share exciting news and bitch about the bad shit too. I guess I don't need to explain why I want you here..it's pretty obvious. It's really hard to continue on knowing you wont..and its still hard knowing when I go back to MA to visit you aren't going to be there. It's so weird in some ways..cuz this is reality, and it doesnt matter how much I don't like it or how much I want to fight it. It's still hard as ever, 7 months later..and I love you and miss you more than I thought was possible. Love you babyface, aLways <33 Close
luv u / Donna (mom)
its been 7 months of pure hell i miss you so very much, monday we meet with the d.a. i wish this never happened. i'm still trying to come to terms with the fact that i'm never going to see you again and i can't deal with that. life stop that horrible oct morning for some of us. and the rewt of the world just kept on going as if nothing ever happed and i don't understand how some people can go on as if nothing happed. i guess out of mind out of site. it's not that easy. i love you and miss you now and forever Close
Seven Months .. / Lisa (sister) Seven Months without your smile Seven Months whtout your laugh Seven Months without hearing your voice Seven Months without talking to you Seven Months without seeing your face Seven Months of wishing none of this had taken place Seven Months of teary eyes Seven Months of your familys' cries Seven Months driving me insane Seven Months since saying good-bye Seven Months since I've been able to go a day without having to cry Seven Months brought only pain Seven Months and counting until we meet again.
Not a day goes by B. I miss you so very much! Close
hi/ Donna (mom)
hey babe, the footing for you stone is ready to go in and i'm not looking forward to seeing your face on the stone then i'm going have to face the fact that yor never coming home. went thru pics last nite trying to figure out which picture of you to put on the stone and all dad did was cry and there was nothing i could do for him, we love and miss you so very mch and that will never change and the pain will never ease up it just gets worse with every day, as each passing day the anger gets worse and i don't know what do do with it Close
Hey B / Lisa (sister)
So, yesterday was Selena's 9th birthday and everyone called to wish her a happy birthday .. except for you. I can't even begin to tell you how much that pisses me off. I wish so much that you were still here. We were robbed. Robbed of seeing you become the person you wanted to be, robbed of seeing you accomplish everything you wanted to do. People tell us that it will get better, but it won't. Our family will constantly be reminded, every minute, every hour, every day, every holiday, every birthday, every family occasion that you can't attend ... everything we took for granted. I don't understand how life just seems to go on. People go about their lives, do the same things they were doing before, all like your death doesn't affect them or their decisions. I just don't understand how the lesson we were all forced to learn is ignored by some people. We had a great vacation. Selena had a good day on Friday at Busch Gardens. I called Crystal while we were there so I could rub it in that I was looking at a bunch of elephants. It occured to me that I couldn't pick up the phone and call you to tell you how much fun we were all having. Do you have any idea how much that sucks? It's the little things in life that we miss when we no longer have those joys. That is part of my job as a big sister being able to brag about how cool I am to my younger siblings ... and I was robbed of that. There are no words to describe how much that sucks. I miss you B and I think of you each and every day. I wish so badly that you were here and that you were able to see your neice and nephews grow up. They sure do miss you more than I think we realize. Close
This is crazy. I've searched and searched for a better word to describe this, a more appropriate word. My feelings are so illusive, though. As soon as I think I know how to describe them, they evade me. The more I try to grasp my thoughts and tighten my grip, the more they slip away from me like grains of sand through my fingers. The few moments I have with them become overwhelming, which makes me question if I'm the one that's running away from my sentiments. As I scroll through my memories, I see you there too many times to ever forget you, and though I could count the times that tears flooded my vision and traveled down my cheeks, they've never tasted this sour. I've been told that I have to get better, but you're gone and I don't think I'll ever be ok with that. I don't think I want to be ok with that. Close
hi/ Donna (mom)
hey babe i love and miss you so much. how do i do this i'm getting so angy. the more i miss you the madder i get well i don't want to go there i'll just keep that to my self i love and miss you so much tteot
what up son / Jim
what up pimpin sorry its been so long i thought it would get easier with time but its gettin harder but im doin aight im just chillin and workin and shit i miss you soooo much and love you nigga one love Close
hey babe happy easter i love and miss you so much there are no words as to how much . i will love and miss for for ever and the pain never ends you're my baby .say hi to nana and grampa and auntie kathy and shirley love you and miss you more than any body could possible imagine
Just stopping by to wish you a very Happy Easter. I know that this is your first Easter in Heaven and I hope that, like every other holiday this year, it's a great one. I miss you so very much. Today, while Selena was looking for her Easter eggs that were scattered throughout the house I kept thinking how much I wished that you were here to help her find them. I know that even though we're spending this particular Easter in Florida, you would have been there to help Kameron & Tylar find their eggs and to steal their candy! I miss you more than I could ever put into words and I truly hope you are enjoying your Easter in Heaven. I love you B with all of my heart. Enjoy yourself and don't eat too much candy!!!! xoxoxxoxoxox
hi/ Donna (mom)
hey babe, i love and miss you so much i can't stand the pain and emptiness how i wish you were still here i hate having to live without you. its not fair and i don't care what people think of me any more if they want to be pissed off , or hate me for the way i feel i don't care i'm very angry that your not here. i feel lost and abandoned but i thank god for your sisters, grandchildren and of course dad but it hurts to look at him and see so much pain, he was crushed when you left and he hasn't recovered and never will none of us will ever recover from losing you i love and miss you so much, Close
it's been a while / Kritta
Hey darlin boy!
I MISS YOU!! I know I haven't written in a while, sorry, but you're on my mind all day every day! Last night was crazy..and so fun..but im so thankful that my friend was ok!! she totaled the 745...it was pretty bad..but shes ok. thats the most important factor. really, im sick of all these car accidents. i cant handle em. at all. but i know you're watchin over all of us and being our angel..so thank you baby. im stayin strong for you, and doin my best with everything else! love you and miss you so, so, so, so, so, so, so much!!!! Close
Thanks for the visit / Lisa (sister)
So, I was on the phone with Crystal this morning because I talk to her every day and Tylar and Kameron are fighting over the phone as they always do when they find out she's talking to me. So I talked to Kameron for a bit and then it was Tylar's turn. Tylar proceeds to tell me that Uncle B is up there. When Crystal asks him where Tylar points to the ceiling and says THERE irritated that we are questioning him. His tone says DUH Mom don't you see him?! Except we can't see him. Tylar tells me that Uncle B is up there and goes on to have a complete conversation with you. I tell him to tell you that I love you and that I miss you and he does. This goes on for a good ten or fifteen minutes. He's just sitting on the phone with me and having a conversation with you and I. I cried the entire time I was on the phone with him. I am so grateful that you are still around. I always felt that you were, but I could never be 100% sure and now I am. Crystal gets up and goes into the living room and she asks Tylar where Uncle B is now and he says that Uncle B is in Mommy's room. She tells him to go tell Uncle B to come in the living room. So, Tylar runs into her room looks at the same spot he was looking at when we were all talking. He runs out into the living room and asks Crystal where you went because you are not in her room anymore. Thank you B for visiting them. Thank you for letting us all know that you are ok and that you are still here. You have no idea how much that means to me and to the boys as well. Please stay close and continue to visit. I miss you terribly. I love you and you can visit me anytime. I'll be waiting .... Close
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