It's funny how time passes. I can't believe that it has been three years since you left us. I can't believe it's been three years since I've seen your face or heard your voice. I remember that weekend so clearly in my mind. I remember it was a warm weekend and that Lacey and I had had a party that Saturday night. We went to Mom & Dad's to pick up Selena on Sunday. Sunday was the last time I talked to you. You were in the kitchen playing with the phone you had just gotten. I made fun of you for being such a dork. "You're such a dork" Who knew those would be the last words I spoke to you?
Although time has passed it's still not easier. I still haven't dealt with the fact that you are gone. I just don't know how. I know that you are gone. I know that I miss you terribly and I have so many questions. Would we be closer if you were still here? I don't think so. It's sad to me that our relationship was the way it was, but we're siblings ... we're supposed to fight and not get along. I never told you that I was proud of you for the person you were becoming. I was proud of you for wanting to go back and get your GED. I know that you would have succeeded if you were given the chance. I am happy that I was the person that you came to and that I had the chance to help you start that journey.
I am still angry. I am angry at what happened. I am angry at your "friends". I am angry with Derrick. I'm not angry for what happened in that car, I'm angry for what has happened since that night. I am angry that none of your "friends" have kept their promises to Mom and Dad. I'm angry that none of them visit or stay in touch with us, but I suppose that's life and there lives have gone on. I am glad that they have the chance to grow older, get married, have a family. I am also pissed off that you do not have those same chances. Again, that's part of life.
I'm also sad for those same reasons. I am sad that we have all grown apart. I'm sad that you are not here. I am sad that your niece and nephews lost out on such an amazing Uncle. I know that there were all kinds of things that you wanted to show and teach them.
Strangely enough I am also very happy. I am happy because this made me realize just how lucky I was to have you as my brother. The saying you never know what you've got until it's gone definitely applies. You and I were not as close as we could have been. Maybe it was because there were so many years between us. Maybe it was because we were both too stubborn to admit when we were wrong or Maybe it was just because I was older and had a family of my own. I know now that I was and still am lucky to be your sister. I couldn't have asked for a better little brother to tease, beat up, fight with and depend on. You were truly a remarkable person and I am honored to be able to continue your legacy.
You are not forgotten. You never will be. We still think of you every single minute of every day. I don't think that will ever change nor do I think that it will get "easier" to accept that you are no longer here. I just hope that I can make you proud.
13 yrold goes missing comes home drunk / Trisha (friend)Read >>
13 yrold goes missing comes home drunk / Trisha (friend)
hey brian,
i need so much help.lastnight my friend ashley her little brother went missing for a couple of hours and we didnt know where he went.me and his mom went out looking for him till 1245 we were so scared we called all his friends and nobody has heard from him.then we get a phone call that he showed up at his friend tylers house.we went there and all i could smell was boose.and he told me and his mom that he wasnt drinkin.we went home and he had throw up all over him.we were so scared.if anything was to happen to him.i dont know what i would do.me and mom were talkin to him today.and we asked him if he wanted to end up buried in the ground.i told him that is what happens when you drink.i told him it isnt fun loosing someone.he doesnt know what it is like.we told him about what happend to you and what your family and friends went through.I told him if he kept it up he would be in the ground to.just thinking about when i was told that night made me cry.Brian what if something happend to him?i just dont know anymore i love and miss you brian.I you could help me on this one
Hey buddy how are you?so this fourth sucked really bad.Well I ended up going to Hampton.When the fireworks started all I could think about was you and your family.Wandering how they fell on this day.What they were doing.Then I look up and the was a big bang ans there it was the pretty light going off.I thought if you just then.As I look up to the sky all I could picture was your face looking down on your family.I know it was hard for them.They have been in my hearts and prayers since day one.I go to your site when i can.I put things there most of the time wandering if you ever get them.
Brian, your family and your friends miss you alot.Just the other day i was at mcdonalds drive thru with my friend nadia and i look in front of me and there was this vw.I look at the stickers on his back window because i was bored and tired of waiting.I look down and i see this sticker that looked like the one my dad have in memory of you.And it was.I looked at nadia and said hey that is b's sticker the one they had made for him.she looks at is and said trish ur right it is.The kid that was in front of me heard me and nadia talking aboput it.he asked if i knew you and i said yes.He told me that you werent forgotten.I told him "To me and my family he will NEVER be Forgotten.It was nice to see some didnt forget aout you.other than your family and mine.
well i am gunna go to bed i just wanted to tell u that
So, as you are aware the walk is coming up in October. It happens to fall the day after the anniversary of your death. I've been trying to involve your "friends" in everything we have planned since the crash almost three years ago. I'm getting tired of trying. I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere. I never get responses from them and I feel like I'm wasting my time. I know that you would want for everyone to stay together and get along, but I'm sick of trying. I think it may be time for me to stop trying so hard. I can't force it and I can't be bothered to care anymore.
I have so much that falls on my shoulders. I am the "strong one". I am the one who plans everything - your funeral, your memorials, the walk to carry on your legacy. I created this site, I maintain it. I also created and maintain your myspace page. I am the one who maintains your plot at the cemetery. I plant the flowers, I make sure it looks nice. I like doing it and I don't want anyone else to do it because I want to know that it gets taken care of - I just get so overwhelmed sometimes and I feel like I'm the only one who gives a shit. It's very frustrating!!
When the crash happened all of your friends came by the house. They all promised that they would continue to visit and that you would never be forgotten ... where are they now?? Do you know that we haven't seen most of them since the day of your funeral? I'm sure you do know that and I've been the one who has told mom and dad to let it go and to not let it bother them, but you know what? It hurts us and it pisses me off that they can so easily dismiss it and go on with their lives like it never happened.
They will all get older. They will all get married, have their own families and watch their children grow up. You never had the chance to do any of that. I wonder if that occurs to them at all anymore. I know there are a handful - maybe 2 or 3 that have stood by us, who have visited and shared their stories with mom and dad. I know that means a lot to them. Your friends were a big part of your life and we only have memories to hold on to now. I know that nothing will be accomplished by me writing this, but at least it makes me feel better to get it out.
I don't expect anything to change and I don't care to hear peoples excuses anymore. It is what it is and it's time to move on. I miss you so much. I would give anything for just one more day, one more hour, one more minute with you ....
I hope that you are enjoying the new flowers that we planted for you. I'm hoping that the bulbs actually bloom this time!! I put tulips and lillies in the back and a few annuals in the front. I'm counting on you to make sure they come up!
Spring time is such a great time of year. It's a time when things come back from their wintery slumber. The trees are starting to bud and the flowers are starting to bloom. It's also time for family outings - bbqs, weddings, etc. Times when we miss you even more. Your niece just turned 11 and you weren't there to share in the celebration. She misses you so much. She wishes you could have been there on her birthday with us at Six Flags. She knows you would have had so much fun.
hey you i am just stoppin in to say hi.well i went by your parents on thursday.there alot of people there.i miss you so much.well i have to go to bed.happy easter we miss you an love you. watch over us as we celebrate this day.love you brian
I hope that you enjoyed your birthday in Heaven. I wish so much that we could have been with you today, but I know you were with us. I hope you enjoyed the cake. I know that Selena, Tylar and Kameron all ate extra pieces just for you! It was nice to see Milton, Davito, Mike and ... Craig! I know, right?! I'm glad that I got to see him and talk to him. I am sure that you had something to do with that so thank you.
I am trying to put the pieces back together, but it's so hard. Sometimes I just want to give up, but I know that you would want for everyone to be close and to just celebrate your life. As I told Craig last night I would rather people about you rather than not talk about you. I like talking about you and as upset as I get sometimes it's good to hear other peoples' memories. It makes me happy that you touched so many people.
It is important to me to reach out and touch as many people with your memory as I can. That is the reason I volunteer. That is the reason I speak out and share your story. I hope that I make you proud.
hey i know i havent stopped in to say hi in a long time.well me and josh are no longer together cuz he was very abusive.i thought he was the one but i was wrong.well i just wanted to stop in and say hi and say that i miss you.i came to see you the other day but i couldnt stay long cuz it hurt to be there.i hope you got my teddy bear that i put up there for you well i will be stoppin in to say happy birthday to you ok.please contiue to watch over the family and our friends.
Constant reminders / Lisa (sister)
I know it's been a while since I've written on here. I guess I haven't had much to say. Perhaps that is why I am here today. Last night I was putting Selena's newest school picture in my wallet and I pulled out the pictures that I carry of you. I sat on the couch and just looked at them for a few minutes. I just smiled to myself and sent my love to you.
This morning I got up and went about my normal morning routine. I woke Selena up, made Lacey's lunch and started getting ready for my day. Selena and I had breakfast and left the house relatively on time. The day was going fine and was like every other morning until we got stuck in traffic. Normally traffic isn't a big deal, but this time it was quite difficult for me. There was an accident on the highway and normally if it's something small I can get by it without much of a problem. This was not the case this morning. It was a bad accident and I immediately thought of you and that night as I do every single time I pass an accident whether it be a large accident or a small fender bender. Will there come a time when I can drive by without getting upset?
I don't think people realize just how much my life has changed since the crash. The smallest things remind me that you are not here. I cried the rest of my drive to Selena's school this morning. I tried really hard not to cry because I know that you are safe now and I know that you are ok. Plus, I didn't want to upset Selena, but sometimes I just can't help it. I miss you so very much. There are so many things that you have missed. Well, perhaps that's not true because I know you are there, but we miss having you physically present. The kids are all getting so big. Birthdays, holidays and other special occasions come and go and I am always reminded that you are not there.
During Kameron and Tylar's birthday party Jimmy and I were talking about how much fun you would have had. We know you would have been there opening all of the kids' toys and helping them play with all their new things. Then you would have gone on to play with all the "big kids" in the guitar hero craziness. Jimmy and I were laughing because you didn't exactly have the utmost patience when it came to video games. We recall a few tossed controllers!
I miss you so very much every single day. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of you or wish that I could somehow turn back time and prevent that night from ever happening. I wish that so many things were different.
Love yoi / Kritta
Heyyy you..
I just wanted to say I love you. And miss you. I hope you're keeping everyone in line back East.. People make silly decisions everyday, and I'm hoping those decisions are ceasing. But anyways..this months been kind of hectic. I wish you were here.. Well I always do, but especially the past few weeks. I need a hug - wish more than anything that you could be here to help out.
Love you babyface. Close
Hi hunny, Just came by to say hello .....miss you tons......but you know i talk to you and ma daily anyway......lol.....keep watch over your mom and dad.....love you babe......
Christmas Time Again .. / Lisa LaDue (sister)
I hope that you enjoy the Christmas decorations Lacey and I left for you yesterday. I put your Christmas tree and wreath up again this year. Mom and Dad also made you a Yule log filled with flowers and pretty decorations. I know that you are not there all of the time, but I hope that you like it anyways!
It's that time of year again. Time to be happy and cheerful! This time of year is really hard for me. I've had a hard time with Christmas since Nana died 11 years ago and the past 3 years have been even more difficult. I miss you so very much. I think of you every single day and I wish so badly that I could go back ... just for a moment.
I am really trying to be in the "christmas spirit" this year. I'm trying not to be overly depressed and let myself fall apart. I know that you wouldn't want for me (or any of us) to be upset. I know you would want us all to live our lives to the fullest everyday and to enjoy every second we have. I'm trying to do that and to make you proud. I hope that I can.
It doesn't get easier. In fact, as I told Lacey yesterday, I think it gets harder for me every year. I miss you so very much Jr. I would give anything to have just one more day with you. I hope that you know how much I love you. I'm sorry that I never told you while you were here ...... so very sorry. Close
I'm just coming by to say hello ... I always make sure that I light a candle every day. I know that I don't need to do it. I know that you know that I'm thinking of you every single day, but I think that it is important. I've never missed a day. Can you believe that? It's been 774 days since you left us. I remember it like it was yesterday and yet it seems like an eternity since I got to talk to you or see you smile.
I often wonder what life would be like if you were still here. What would you be doing? What would our relationship be like? Would we still but heads or would we get along better? I hate that I'll never have answers to these questions. I miss you so much Jr. I just don't know how to make all this pain go away. I know that eventually it will lessen and the days will be easier to get through. Some days are better than others, but never does a day pass that I don't think of you and wonder. I know that someday I will be able to think of you and laugh and not cry, but I know that will not happen any time soon.
I know you are still with all of us. I know that you are watching over us. I can feel you with me from time to time and that keeps me going. Please stay close to us and help us get through the rest of this year. These last three months are always the hardest for me. Your anniversary, Thanksgiving and then Christmas. You loved Thanksgiving and I know you'll be with us as we celebrate it at Gram's.
This Memorial website is beautiful. I wish my family and I did this when my dad passed away. It just shows how much love there is for him. I'm very sorry for your loss. And I'm truely glad to have had a chance to see his website memorial.
Blessed Samhain / Lisa (sister)
I miss you so much. I know that you will be with me as I celebrate my favorite day of the year! As we dress up and trick or treat tonight I'll be keeping my eyes open for you ..
Two Years Already / Lisa (sister)
I can't believe that it has been two years since I've seen you, heard you laugh, or saw your smile. I am going to try my hardest today to not cry and be sad. I am going to remember all the great times we had together. I will remember all the bickering, the fighting, the laughs, the smiles, the goofiness and all the other memories. There are so many memories, but it is sometimes so hard to think of the happy ones.
It was so difficult to sleep last night! I was trying so hard not to think of where we were two years ago. I know that you would not want for us to dwell on that. I know that you want for us to live on for you and to enjoy each day that we have here. It's just so hard to do that without you. I do try though!
It's wierd because today is no different for me than any other day. I miss you every day. I think of you every day. I am reminded of you and all that you are missing, but I go on because I know that is what you would want for us to do. I know that you are always with us and that makes me feel a bit better.
I am honored that you are my brother. You will always be with me and you will always be in my thoughts and in my heart. No amount of time will ever change that.
HEY YOU WE ALL MISS YOU BUNCHES.WE ARE ALL WALKING ON OCTOBER 6 2007 FOR MADD IN MEMORY FOR YOU IT IA ON A SATURDAY I WILL ASK IF I CAN TAKE THAT DAY OFF OF WORK SO I CAN WALK WITH OUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY.WELL HUN I WILL LET YOU GO I HAVE TO TRY TO GET TO SLEEP I HAVE TRY TO GET SOME SLEEP LOVE KEEP LOOKING AFTER YOUR MOM AND DAD FOR ME
Miss u! / Jenna (friend)
hi my love. im just droppin by to tell u that i miss u lk crazy. me n derek seen a BMW same color, same year, same everything. exactly the same car basically. ugh. we didnt wanna go ne where near it... n it was just weird n it made my heart drop. - it really took me back to that night and that point in time.... i miss u soo much B n i think about u all the time. i still wear your t-shirt to bed, its starting to fade but my memory of u NEVER will. i love u so much B and i still blow kisses everytime i pass ur house, the cemetary, or friendlys... u kno why i blow kisses at friendlys lol... i miss u so much... i wish i could take it all back. i kno ur chillen wit nate up there tho n everything is cool between u guys. keep me safe just like u have been doing & i will see u again one day. i love u B <3 Close
HEY YOU I HAVE BEEN THINKING OF YOU ALOT LATLEY MAYBE ITS BECOUSE I HAVE TO MUCH TIME ON MY HANDS.I WENT TO SEE YOU THE OTHER DAY.TO THIS DAY IT STILL HURTS TO GO THERE AND SEE YOU .I KNOW .I NEVER IMAGINED LIVING MY LIFE WITH OUT YOU.BUT NOW THE TIME HAS COME FOR ME TO STOP THINKING OF HOW MUCH PAIN YOU ARE IN.I KNOW YOU ARE WATCHING OVER YOUR FAMILY.AND IT MAKES ME FEEL BETTER THAT SOME ONE IS DOING IT.BRI BRI I MISS YOU ALOT.I WAS LOOKING AT THE SKY LASTNIGT AND I SAW ONE OF THE BIGGEST BRIGHTEST STAR THERE WAS AND I SAID TO MY SELF THERE IS BRIAN WATCHING OVER EVERY ONE AT THE SAME TIME.WELL BRI THANK YOU.MISS YOU ALOT.BYE FRO NOW BUT NOT FOR EVER
Tributes and Condolences
